#5 and the start of Taxol

The holiday's were okay my MIL came in for Christmas and left today. I am feeling somewhat better since the blood transfusion but it did not raise my levels enough so I may have to have another one.
I seem to be the queen of rare side effects. but what can I say I strive to be unique and different!
On Wednesday I started my first Taxol treatment and it went okay very long and the bones are achey from it. To be expected.
I am almost done with Chemo and have 3 treatments left. So far I have a tentative surgery date for 2/27 looking forward to that and starting the new chapter in this battle.

Halfway done with bumps in the road

Last weekend I took Tyler to see Santa at the mall. As we were standing on line waiting another woman walked up behind me and said I sported that same look a couple of months ago. That is when I realized that I belong to a club I never wanted to be part of. But talking with her was good and it was her second time with breast cancer.
On Wednesday I had my 4^th treatment of Chemo so that makes me halfway through treatments only 4 left to go. This one though was a little harder. I had to get a blood transfusion this time around. So that was interesting. I am hoping that this makes me feel better and less tired, but so far it has not. I guess I do need to give it some time though.

Chemo # 3.......

Last Wednesday the 28th I had my 3rd round of chemo. Or as I like to call it the one that kicked my ass. They started late. i had to get the blood draw from my hand instead of my port because they were backed up. Once that was done I spoke to the PA and she informed me that my HGB counts are very low and if it continues on this path then I will need to get a blood transfusion after the next round. I guess it is par for the course with me. If it can go wrong then it will.
I went to work on Thursday and Friday I was pretty tired but got through it.
Then came Saturday I was tired I slept until 9 am and thought I could go to the mall but was barely able to get myself dressed without feeling tired. I wound up going to sleep most of the day and then slept through the night. I was still pretty tired on Sunday so it was another relaxing day and in bed by 9.
If it wasn’t for Richie I don't know what I would have done throughout all of this. He has been there for me for everything and taking care of everything.

Holiday's & Cancer

The holiday's are always a sad time for me. Thanksgiving is when I miss my Mom the most. This year was a little more sadder for me. I am mad at her for not being here for me during this time. I know that if she could she would have. I have gone through all major adult stuff without her getting married, having Tyler, going through infertility, moving, having a miscarriage and now breast cancer. Can't I get a break? Um no so for Thanksgiving I got mouth sores, thrush and a cold. Yeah in one week. Go me! So Thanksgiving this year instead of spending it with family and friends I spent it home alone napping and trying to get rid of this cold. Today it is almost gone and the thrush is gone. Mouth sores are still here but I have a feeling they are here to stay.
Today I started to go through a box of pictures and kept the ones I want to scan and keep. It made me smile to see pictures of me with my parents and as I was growing up.
I am very thankful for my husband and son. They are my rocks but I am also very thankful for what my mother had taught me wit her battle with cancer to say FU I will beat you and I will be around for my children. Now I have another FU I will not let you come back and take me from my son. I want to see him fall in love and get married and meet my grandchildren. That is my goal and I will get to it one step at a time.

Chemo # 2

Yesterday was my second round of treatment and I went straight from work. It was pretty easy to do by myself. First they drew my blood then said I was going to have an appointment with the Doctor. This was good because I wanted to discuss that my insurance company will only cover 10 Ambien pills for 25 days….So seriously what am I to do for the rest of the month? So I have a new one to pick up today at the drug store.

Beside the new prescription Dr. Singh did an exam and determined that the Tumor is shrinking from the Chemo. So yeah for Chemo! I am pretty happy about that.

Today I go back for the Neulasta Shot and hopefully I have a good reaction to the Chemo as I did last time.

On December 17^th I have an appointment with one of the GYN doctors to discuss my hysterectomy that will hopefully happen with the first surgery.

Second Opinions and More!

This is a post that I have been thinking of writing for awhile. Two weeks ago my Aunt suggested I get a second opinion just to make sure I am on the right track for my surgery and for the chemo. I decided to go to Duke Cancer Center to meet with their team.
When I first called I didn't get that warm feeling when you call an office. To be honest I almost quiet right there, but I decide to go ahead. Then they called me back to make all the appointments I told them the dates and times I was available because of my limited schedule at work. I made all my appointments and thought we were all set for Monday the 12th. Then I get a call back. They had me mixed up with another patient and cancelled all my appointments and moved them to Wednesday, when I told them I had Chemo on Wednesday I needed the appointments for that Monday they put me back in. This did not go over well with me. If they can't get my appointments right how can they get my treatment right? I decided to go ahead with all the appointments and see what they had to say.
I am glad that I did. I was told that they would do the same Chemo with me as I am getting now for the same time frame. I was pretty happy with this. They still say I will have Radiation after the surgery and maybe more Chemo but they wouldn't know that until after my surgery. So because I started at the Cancer Center of NC I will stay there for my 8 Chemo sessions and then more to Duke for the surgery.
This is where it was interesting and differed from the original surgeon that I saw and the plastic surgeon.

The Duke Doctor (Rachel A. Greenup, MD) stated that she would only remove the cancer breast during the initial surgery and all of my lymph nodes since they are positive. The reason for the one breast removal is less of a chance of infection. Since the right breast is healthy there is no need to take it right away. Once that is done I would start Chemo and/or Radiation. Once the radiation is complete I would then have another surgery to remove the right breast and also have what is called a TRAM Flap surgery (http://www.breastcancer.org/treatment/surgery/reconstruction/types/tram) this is actually better since I like the idea of not having to get new implants in 20 years, and as an added bonus I get a tummy tuck.

I really liked the Breast Surgeon Dr. Greenup and the Medical Oncologist Dr. Kelly Mitchell. I am going to switch over to Duke once Chemo is finished. My next appointment is in January and the then I will also meet with the Plastic Surgeon and the Radiation Oncologist.

So I guess it was a good thing that I went today and am happy with everything that was said.

Work

On Friday I decided to go to work with out the wig on. I need to wash it and style it. The amount of compliments I got was amazing and I felt so much love. I am not one for church and prayers but accept them with an open heart.
I believe with all my heart that I will beat this it doesn't matter what stage you are in.
I have so much to say but need to organize my thoughts. Next treatment is on Wednesday.

The donation

The whole experience was amazing and I would encourage anyone in my position to talk to your salon and donate your hair.
Kate came with me and my hairdresser set up my hair for the donation then we went into a private room to shave off the rest. It is amazing how much hair is left after you donate.
But all in all I felt great about doing it and Tyler of course took it like a champ.

The hair

So I thought I was okay with the whole lets shave my head and donate my hair to locks of love and I am still okay with it. I was just sad this morning when I washed it. I realized that this will be the last time that i will wash my hair for a long time. But it is a good thing. I will beat this it is just a matter of time.

Weekend

As of Sunday night I am still feeling okay just a little tired so I napped today. Other then some foods I am not liking (chocolate!) I feel okay.
So all and all I was worried hopefully for nothing. Maybe this will not be so bad after all.
On Wednesday I am going to my first support group and Thursday I will be donating my hair and shaving the rest of it off. At one point I think Tuesday I will go pick up my wig. It is going to be a good week hopefully.

The Neulasta Shot

The shot itself wasn't so bad expect for the fact that I had a red mark on my arm. So it was off to an ultrasound the next day to make sure there were no blood clots. There were none. So that was a good thing.

Afterwards though i was feeling very tired. I went to work anyway but that turned out to be a bad decision. I came home and went right to bed and slept until about 6pm. Stayed up for a little bit and watched some tv with Richie. Then back to bed by 10. I need to learn to listen to my body and not push myself. But at least i slept through the night.

So far knock on wood I have not been sick as of yet. I am hoping that it stays this way.

1st Chemo Treatment

I was nervous all day for 12:30 pm to roll around to see what will happen. I had butterflies in my stomach all morning almost like the 1st date nervousness.
It was pretty easy but we had a couple of appointments before the actual chemo started we had a meeting with the financial counselor. She had me fill out some paper work to  apply for aid to help defer the costs of the treatment. This is a huge relief because so far this has been pretty expense and it has only been 3 weeks.
Then they took me in the back. The room was a big open room with all chairs. They started the IV and took my blood. Then I went to see the doctor and met is nurse practitioner Sara she was very nice and I liked her.
back to the chemo room i went. That took about 2 1/2 hrs not too bad. I didn't even take one of the happy pills.
Afterwards I had the family over for Halloween  I wanted to do something normal.But I am paying the price for it today. I am tired today.

I went for the neulasta shot today and I have some kind of rash on my arm so off for an ultrasound tomorrow morning. Let the good times roll.

Telling Tyler & Bone Scan

Tyler

This is one post that will most likely be on going. It depends on his questions and what we feel comfortable telling him.

So far the only question he has had before is why I am going to the doctor’s so much and why does Daddy always have to go with me?

We have touched on the fact that I am going because I am sick without ever telling him I have cancer. I have told him that I will be cutting my hair. I didn’t want to tell him that the medicine I will be taking will make my hair fall out. I don’t want him to see that happen to me and I figured that we can take it one question at a time and see what happens.

Bone Scan

The bone scan was very easy today. I went in this morning to get the shot (I feel like a pin pad) then went back this afternoon to do the test. It was pretty quick and painless.

Best thing was I got to look at the scans and that was pretty cool. It looked all clear but I am not a doctor but I have a pretty good feeling about this

Wig Shopping

Saturday I went wig shopping with my friend Kate. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I shopped at a place called Lovely Lady. The most disappointing thing was finding out that it was no covered by insurance. Why is getting sick so expensive? Seriously like you are not going through enough but you have to deal with co-pays and things that you need like hats and wigs that will not be covered by insurance. Amazing.
The lady in the shop was great though. She has been through it and gave all sorts of tips and stuff that you would never even think of. Like mileage for tax purposes.
Monday is the Bone Scan and that should be easy.

Pre Chemo appointment and Muga Scan

On Friday morning Richie and I met Erica at Dr. Singh's office. He went over the PET scan all was clear in my other organs and there is significant lymph nodes that are showing signs of the cancer in levels 1-3 and some spots on my collar bone. Nothing that I didn't expect. Which is a good thing.
The MUGA scan was pretty easy expect the tech killed my arm with the needle so I am pretty bruised on my left arm.
The port seems to be healing nicely. I am still pretty bruised in that area too.
Saturday I am going wig sopping so that should be interesting so I am sure I will write about that.
Again though I am amazed at the love and support I am feeling. That has made this process so much easier.

PET Scan & Port Surgery

On Wednesday I had the Pet Scan it wasn't too bad the hardest part was just sitting there still for an hour but I watched the rest of Grey's Anatomy on my phone. The test it self was easy again though laying there still was a little annoying. But it is for a good cause so I was good.
In the afternoon we got a call from the Doctor's office and they told me the surgery was moved up to 7 am. So we sent Tyler to Erica's house for a seep over.
Last night was the first night I slept the whole night. I was exhausted.
At 7 am Richie and I arrived at the hospital and they took me right in.
Which was great they moved up my surgery again and I was put under general anesthesia. When I woke up I was kind of sad. This makes everything very real now. Rest of the day I slept off and on. So all and all I was good.

Back to the Breast Surgeon

So today I went back to the breast surgeon and another biopsy was done this time on my lymph node that they think is suspicious. That one hurt. After that I had another consultation with the Doctor that will be putting in my port for Chemo. This is going to be done on Thursday.

Later we had the consultation with the plastic surgeon. We went over everything. He will be doing the surgery with Dr. Hamad and then the expanders will be put in and eventually I will move on to implants.

In between all of this there were a slew of phone calls back and forth with the medical oncologist office.
This is what will be happening this week.

·         Wednesday – Pet Scan

·         Thursday – Port Surgery

·         Friday – Medical Oncologist for consult on starting Chemo next week

o   Also Muga Scan

·         Monday – Bone Scan

It is going to be a crazy week with all the appointments and then next week we start Chemotherapy. I feel like my head is swimming with all the information I have received in the past couple of days and I have been telling more and more people.  The love and support that I have received is amazing and I am feeling very loved.

Meeting with the Radiation Oncologist

For those of you that know me or are reading this I am writing all of this as if it happened that day. I need to keep track of my thoughts and this was the best way to do it. Hopefully I will be caught up soon or at least I know I will be and then it will all be all up to date.

Okay now for today’s appointment recap. It is the good, the bad, and the ugly all in one.
So today’s appointment was with the radiation oncologist. Again check in was a breeze they had everything there I just had to show my insurance card. I guess that is the good thing about going to a cancer center. Richie and I did get there a little early and we wound up waiting for a bit but now I understand why.
The normal routine was done (is it sad after only a couple of doctors appointments I think this is normal?) weigh, blood pressure and temperature. Then the nurse came in and went over what to expect during radiation and that they had the results of my MRI and the doctor would go over everything with me.
So then the doctor comes in and does a breast exam again (boy are they popular) then told me to get dressed and he would go over the results.
So the bad news comes: There is another tumor behind the original one and my lymph nodes are showing signs of cancer. Really come on now WTF? Again how is this even possible? It is growing that fast? So with this recent news I will have to do chemotherapy first, then surgery, then radiation. At this point I broke down. This is unfair. I always try and pay it forward and this is what I get. There was a lot of crying on Richie while we drove to Erica’s (my cousin) to pick up Tyler.
After we got him Dr. Hamad’s office called and they want me to come in Wednesday instead of the 29^th. Okay I can do this. It is just another bump in the road.
While at work I get another call from her office and now I go in tomorrow to discuss everything at 9 am then it is off to the plastic surgeon’s office. But it looks like I will start chemo sometime next week.

Meeting with the Oncologist and Breast MRI

So on Friday the 19th I met with the medical Oncologist. I liked him right away he was kind and very friendly. When I walked into the cancer center I didn't know what to expect. I was very nervous almost like meeting someone for the first time nervous. Not someone who you will become very good friends with. So once we were all checked in we waited for Dr. Singh to come in. This is one tall Doctor. So because of my family history of ovarian cancer and then the BRACA gene, he told me 100% I will be getting chemotherapy. Okay I can deal with this. Now there is a question on whether or not the tumor has gotten bigger? Seriously WTF? Since I am already scheduled for a breast MRI this afternoon we will wait for that to be finished before any final decisions will be made on whether or not I will have chemo first or surgery first.
Among other things we discussed was the double mastectomy that they are suggesting (already decided to have it done) and also having the total hysterectomy (already decided yes to this just not sure when). So off I am to go to the Breast MRI.

The breast MRI was not painful at all just uncomfortable. More like Chinese water torture. They did this with contrast and without. The worst part was laying on the machine like you were flying with your boobs in square boxes. Oh the other fun part was the loud noises. I couldn’t hear anything that was being said to me or the music that was provided. But all in all it was easy and I get the test results on Monday

Diagnosed with Breast Cancer

All week I have been doing little things to help pass the time I met with HR at work to find out about short term disability and FLMA since it is the end of the year I have very little sick and vacation time.
I spoke to my immediate supervisor and explained what was going on. Everyone has been very supportive of this and or that I am grateful.
So Thursday started off like any other day got Tyler off to school then it was off to the doctor to get my results.
I was very nervous waiting for them. Richie and I were still hoping for the god news but that never came. When the doctor came in she sat down and told me right away I have cancer. My specific diagnosis is infiltrating poorly differentiated duct cell carcinoma
Estrogen receptor positive.
Yeah it sucks go ahead you can say it.
Although I thought I was prepared for it i wasn't it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I left the office armed with a packet for The Cancer Center of NC and a list of doctor appointments for the following week. I am back on the 29th to schedule my surgery.
Other fun notes:
My lymph nodes are swollen. We don't know why could be because of the biopsy or because the cancer has spread. I will find out after a breast MRI.
I am strongly recommended to get a double mastectomy because of my BRACA positive and family history.

The Biopsy

On October 11th Richie and I went to the breast surgeons office Dr. Hamad. She asked all the questions on my family history told me I drew the short stick on the genetic gene pool and we laughed. Then got down to business first she did a regular exam, then used the ultrasound machine to take more measurements finally it was time to start the biopsy. When she first put the needle in to take the sample the needle snapped back. I saw Richie's face because he was watching on the ultrasound. Great I thought this stupid thing is so hard even the doctor can't get a sample. On the second try she got a good piece though. After this was done and I was all taped up she gave us some news to digest. She didn't like the size or shape of the tumor when she was taking measurements and then once the needle was rejected she really didn't like it. She wanted us to be prepared for a cancer diagnosis. My test results won't be back for a week because of the weekend. So next Thursday the 18th I get my results. I am preparing for the worst and hoping for good news.

The Mammograms

So mid September Richie grabbed my breast and found a lump. Since I had my annual exam in June I had a prescription for a mammogram. I decided to finally use it.
As I went in the tech asked me if there were any issues. I explained that I felt the lump and then she felt it and stuck a tab on it so it was visible in the mammogram. She also explained to me that I would have to come back for a ultrasound and another mammogram.
I went back on October 10th and had the ultrasound and another mammogram. As I laid on the table I asked the tech if there was an  visible fluid? This would have been a good thing because then it could have been a cyst. She told me she wasn't allowed to tell me anything until the doctor saw the scans and he would talk to me. As I laid on the table I knew this was a bad thing. If she saw fluid she would have told me.
About 20 minutes later the doctor came out and told me it is a solid mass and I would have to have a biopsy done. And off to work I went to await the call from my gynecologist.
Of course me being the person that I am I couldn't wait any longer by 4 pm I was going out of my mind. I called the gyno office and explained what was going on. She referred me to Dr. Hamad so I called them and got an appointment for the next day to do the biopsy. For this I am grateful of.
Moral of this story is let your husband grab your breast! :)

The Post I didn't want to write....

I thought a lot about creating the blog. I decided to do it because sometimes I want to talk about it and Richie doesn't and I don't really want to bore all my friends and family if they don't want to talk about it either. But let's face it I might not ever tell anyone about it unless they stumble upon it and that can happen.

I am going to start from the beginning:

• Mid September Richie found the lump (funny story and I will tell it)
• September 27th - Mammogram  
• October 10th - Ultrasound and follow-up Mammogram 
• October 11th - Biopsy 
• October 18th - Diagnosed with Breast Cancer 
•  October 19th - Meeting with the oncologist and Breast MRI
• October 22nd - Meeting with the Radiation Oncologist 
• October 23rd - Meeting with the Plastic Surgeon 
• October 29th - Back to the Breast Doctor to schedule my date for surgery 

I am going to break up the posts though because let's face it, it is a lot of writing, and also if you don't want to hear one part you can move to the next.