Ramblings

Since I was told in the hospital that I am cancer free I don't feel like it. I still feel like I have cancer and am very uneasy with the thought of being cancer free. I know it seems weird you would think I would be happy at the thought of being cancer free but I am not, at least not yet. I still need to go through radiation and will find out when I start and how long on Friday.
I finally took a shower today drain free. It felt good but I am still in pain. I don't feel like myself at all.
I feel like I am in this weird and unusual place. I should be happy my husband has been great and still wants me even though we can't yet. I have not thought about sex since I was diagnosed with cancer. I want to feel normal again but I know that it will be a long time before that happens.

The Surgery and aftermath

My surgery was on 2/27 and went very well. I was in a lot of pain but was controlled through the drugs. Richie spent the night with me and I was released the next day. Once home I had a cough but didn't think too much of it. I spent a lot of time sleeping and really don't remember much. On Sunday I woke up shivering and shaking. Richie took my temp. and I was running a fever.
We called the doctors office and they told me to come into the emergency room. Erica and Aunt Ellen took me in and I was there for a long time. Richie came and they took Tyler with them and he stayed with me.
Everything with the surgery looked good. They did a CT Scan and I had signs of pneumonia. So I was admitted to the hospital. I was there until Saturday. I was finally let go after being fever free for a couple of days. I am still on the antibiotics but doing much better.
I still have some pain from the surgery and one drain is still in. My breast surgeon was amazing I have almost no bruising and the scar looks really good.
On the 21st I get my port out finally Yeah it is starting not to work. One thing I would never recommend is the port in the arm way to much can go wrong.
I am starting to heal though and feeling better and that is all that counts.

Pre Surgery

Pre Surgery was okay went by with no problems. I went in the morning and got my blood drawn, then up to pre surgery where they went over everything.. The surgery will take about 5 hours and could be longer or shorter. The called me on Friday my blood levels are good but they forgot to type and cross me so I have to come in on Wednesday a half hour earlier. I will most likely have to be in there about 5:30 am.
We told Tyler yesterday that I will be going in for surgery on Wednesday and he will stay at Erica's during this time. Richie is going to stay with me in the hospital overnight. I am starting to get a little nervous and a little sad. I am guessing that is to be expected.

8 days to go....

Ankle Update: I went to the orthopedic doctor on Friday. Ankle is okay just a bad sprain and small fracture on the top of my foot. I am in a boot for the week. Kind of a pain but better than a cast. The foot is all black and blue. It was hurting yesterday after working all day. I need to ice it more.

Tomorrow is the pre-op day at Duke. Should be no problems. I think I am allergic to the new cream that I bought though. I used it on my arms and legs and now I am bumps on them. Hoping that doesn’t cause any problems. I have no idea what to expect tomorrow expect I know that they are taking my blood and going over everything with me. The anticipation is bothering me though. I am very nervous about the lymph node removal more than the breast removal. Not sure why. I just want to know what to expect, only time will tell.

Not Sleeping.....

I haven't been sleeping well at night. It sucks. I keep thinking of everything. Will the cancer come back? What will happen during surgery? Will I be okay when I get home? All these thoughts are going around in my mind every night. I wish they would stop.
Then this morning as I was leaving to go to work I fractured my ankle. Yes you read that right 12 days before surgery I have fractured my ankle and will see the orthopedic surgeon this afternoon. I am hoping that they do not put me in a cast. Please do not put me in a cast!

Moving on to Duke

Yesterday I had my final pre op appointment at Duke. It was good and Richie went with me so he could finally meet the new breast surgeon and also meet the new oncologist.

Walking into the Duke Cancer Center is a lot like walking into a hotel. It is pretty relaxing or at least as relaxed as you can be.

Dr. Greenup went over the surgery with us again and what to expect. The nurse came in afterwards to go over the care of the drains. I was glad that he was there to hear everything and finally meet her.

Afterwards Dr. Mitchell came in and went over what will happen after surgery. We are going to wait on the pathology report to see if I have to do more chemo or if I can move onto radiation. If I need chemo again she will try and get me into one of the Duke studies. That would be a good thing but I am hoping no more chemo.

So all my oncology and all my medical will be at Duke. I am happy for this change.

I am getting a little nervous about the surgery more so about afterwards then the actual surgery. Richie is going to stay at the hospital with me and Tyler will stay with Erica until I come home. Should be interesting though.

14 days and counting!

Looking Back...

I can’t believe that it has been 4 ½ months since I was diagnosed with breast cancer. When I look back I knew something was wrong and I knew it was cancer. When I went for my annual mammogram I told the tech where the mass was and she told me I would have to come back to get an ultrasound. Once I had the ultrasound and they said I should have a biopsy I took things into my own hands. I did not wait for the Doctor to call me.

There is not much I would have done different through this whole thing. I think the main thing though is I would not have been so hesitant to get a second opinion. I love the new breast surgeon she takes the time that is needed to sit with me. I don’t feel rushed at all in her office and I feels that she cares for me as a person and not just a number. The other breast surgeon was kind of very cut dry and was like yes this cancer and here are all your appointments over the next couple of days and I will see you next week.

When I went to Duke for the second opinion and they knew it was the second opinion both the breast surgeon and the oncologist took their time with me.

The oncologist that I saw the 1^st time also took his time with me but when I took my cousin to some of the appointments he was pretty dismissive with her and I didn’t really like that.

I like the idea of having all my stuff in one center and everyone having access to each other. Where as if I kept the oncology part at CCNC they would have to get my stuff from Duke. Since I am planning on doing the radiation at Duke it was easier to just transfer everything there. So it will be done as of Monday.

I am actually looking forward to Monday’s appointment it will answer many questions I have about afterwards and they might not be answered until after surgery but at least I can see what the team is thinking.

I have a good feeling about the surgery, I am hoping that everything goes well during surgery and I get clean margins. I am a little nervous though. I guess I should be I took on Chemo head on and knew I needed to get through this. Now that it is over I can’t believe that I worked through the whole thing. One thing I am very grateful for the fact that I did not get sick at all. Yes I had complications during it but I was able to handle all of them. I am hoping that I can do the same through the recovery. I am nervous more about the drains though and how do I explain the surgery to Tyler. I hope he does okay with it. But that we won’t know until I am home.

19 days and counting!